Respect. Trust. Learning.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

"Everyone can have sex. But not everyone can handle sex." - Lilybird

That's a quote taken from one of the anonymous commentors and contributors of a book Az and I had read quite a while ago. The word "sex" caught our attention, and both of us decided to read it together, and discuss the issue.

I don't really know how to get this post started. I mean, it's not an easy topic to discuss that openly with everyone out there.

Maybe I'll begin by asking a question: how do you know when you're ready to start having sex?

We went through a phase just a few months ago, where the topic of making love was always on our minds. We wanted to: we both really wanted to. We'd discussed it for months on end, trying to be logical and having common sense about the "responsibilities and dangers of pre-marital sex."

For everyone's information: no, we didn't do it.

Why?

We're not ready. We're both not ready for the consequences. Even if we put aside things like pregnancy and safe sex by using pills and condoms and other what-nots, the issue which weighed the most on our minds is: how will we be after the act itself?

Sure. For any two people who claim to be "so in love," it's extremely easy to say (and to use as an excuse) that they both want to use sex as an act of "making love" and establishing a deeper connection.

While I don't deny that that can happen, the reverse can frequently also be true: that after doing it, one or both parties find that they regret the act for no other reason than the fact that they weren't mentally/spiritually/whatever-ly prepared for it.

So, when will we (or anyone for that matter) ever know we're ready?

Maybe when we both know that we want to do it without feeling that it's lust or raging hormones compelling us to do so; maybe when we both want to take that step with as clear a head as we both can; maybe after we've both talked the topic to death and finally feel that the time is right and we are willing to face whatever consequences to ourselves; maybe when we both feel like we will be able to help each other truly make love and know that that is indeed what feels right on the most basic level.

Till then, we'll wait.

We'll wait for the right time. The most responsible time. The most logical time. And most of all, the most respectable and truly... well, "right" time.

Casey blew the autumn leaves at 10:17 PM

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2 sides of a coin. 6 sides of a cube. Black and white, colour, or sepia. Top, bottom, plain view. There're always many sides or views to an issue, regardless of what it is.

One should never judge whether a person is black or white, right or wrong, naughty or nice till you get to know him or her, or see from their eyes. They may see it as one way, while you see it in another. In some instances, that'll help resolve the issue. Other times, it may actually cause conflict.

This applies to relationships as well.

What one might see as an extremely romantic way to spend a date, going out for dinner at a French restaurant and all may be seen by the other as really expensive, and barely afforadable. That's just for starters.

To get right to the point, have you ever asked yourself (or the other for that matter) this question: Why do you love me?

I mean, you could see yourself as a bratty, whingey, spoilt brat or someone who only likes to burden others at your own whim. You could see yourself as the worst person in the world to get together with, and others should sure as hell stay away from you. Heh. Fine, I'm exaggerating, but yeah. That's what most of us usually have: an inferiority complex of always thinking that we're never good enough, and that there're others who'd be better for that one person we like or love.

We'd think we could never make them happy, and they'd be better off without us being in their lives, let alone as someone to get together with in a relationship.

But that's the thing. We only tend to think based on what WE see. Not the other. We never usually think aout what the other thinks, feels, sees, and usually depend on common thought: that they hate you, despise you, thinks you're ugly, whatever.

What I'm trying to say... is that instead of always thinking from your side, try to imagine yourself from the other's eyes. What do they feel, what do they see in the relationship? You'd be surprised sometimes as to what you might discover. I mean, for all you know, you might just discover that they're scumbags who just want to get laid.

On the other hand...you might see that, despite all your bad characteristics and what-nots, they still love you. They accept you for who you are, and sometimes, try to change you for the better, whether in your views or character. You'll see...or feel, what they go through to be with you whenever you're down or happy, angry or jubilant, tearful or joyful. You'll get to see their point of view, on what they think is worth or not, that sometimes, you being sad really sometimes gets them down as well, and when you're happy, well, they feel accomplished? Happy? Relieved? Smile?

So, the next time the question of "Why do you love me?" pops about, think about it. You'll either discover that they're not worth it, etc. Or, God willing, you'll find more reason to love than before.

Truly.

Peace...

W|LD_CARD blew the autumn leaves at 1:05 AM

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