Bad things will always happen to the best of us. Bad things will happen to you whether you're an atheist, a monotheist, a polytheist believing in a pantheon, or other what-nots. They will happen, whether you pray, or not; whether you pray to a deity or to the devil or not.

All right, I digress.

Bad things will happen, knocking you down, trying to make you stay down. How do you get back up again?

You can do it alone, or you can do it with help: from family, from friends, from loved ones.

Pity. Sympathy. Empathy.

Who with dignity would welcome pity and sympathy from anyone, much less from friends? Who likes having his loved ones seeing him down in the dumps like that, knowing that they do care, and want to help, but the concern and help is/might be mixed with pity and sympathy with empathy.

Empathy is a feeling of understanding and compassion between two people, knowing that what happened to one has the possibility of happening to the other. Pity and sympathy are merely feelings of, "Oh, you poor thing." At least, according to me.

I'll post up what I discussed with Orca over IM on the subject:

Orca: That's true, the latter, but we must look beyond simple pragmatism. There are things logic cannot explain, like love and altruism. We are not machines, we are living beings capable of empathy even when so distant from the touch of pain that touches us over great divides, even if we are so isolated and helpless. It is actually painful, being deeply concerned about something but so wretchedly unable to do anything about it. Whether of someone else, or our own.

And the least the social creature can do is to express his concern, a sign that he treats you as more than just a contact, but a real friend. A "contact" would simply offer what help he/she can, if she feels like it, or just shut up otherwise, for what is the use of caring to him/her? You are as disposable as any other, useful only when the situation demands, simply a known name otherwise.

Friends are different, and although a simple display of concern may be useless, what should be treasured is the subtle feelings behind it.

Contacts will only display concern when they see an advantage, an opening they can jump into to better their position in relation to you. With friends, there is a thing called love, a universal connector greater than address books and business meetings. Concern born of love is innately a combination of many feelings, and pity one of them. I can't be removed. And it is not melavolent or the despicable sort of pity. Empathy.

Me: Pity is pity. So is sympathy. I can accept empathy, but not the first two.

Orca: How can you accept empathy but not one of the little things that make it what it is? It is hypocritical. We shouldn't draw lines around territories and emotions within the heart. It is more complex and undefinable than we can ever comprehend.

Me: Empathy is understanding and knowing that what the "victim" is going through might happen to the person himself. Pity and sympathy are merely, "Oh, this poor thing" feelings that express hypocrisy itself.

Orca: The pity and sympathy you speak of is a malevolent, unconcerned kind. It is precisely what contacts give you. But not friends. If they are that much to you, their concern is a form of real empathy. Like a light haze, there are hues, and while you can't box up a haze into subdivisions for analysis and differentiation, one should not look at a forest mist and scorn it as if it's dirty yellow haze. They are different, and that's about as much as I can say. There are not even the faintest of hidden lines between a fresh forest mist and the industrial smog a kilometre away.

So, that's only a portion of our whole conversation, but an important portion nonetheless. I had to post this portion out in its entirety so that I could better express what I wanted on this particular topic.

I guess we all have to learn to differentiate between a malevolent and loving sort of sympathy, between a desire for gain, and a desire to help. I mean, who would want their loved ones - especially their significant other - to express sympathy of any sort?

So just remember...