Respect. Trust. Learning.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Just to remind me on what to post tmr morning when I get back from work

"Isn't it amazing how couples always try to outdo each other in every way possible especially when it comes to special moments? Food for thought."

Heh.

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Ok. I know I was supposed to have posted this earlier, but so sue me. Was occupied in the morning, and resting in the afternoon, so yeah. Boo.

Anyways, to the topic at hand. Ever notice that? Wherever we are, whatever we do, we always try to do outdo each other, even when it comes to who can make the other blush/embarrassed more (this one though I rule. Heh).

Every which way you look at it, we always try to outdo the other. Whether it's due to not wanting to look inferior, cheapskate, unromantic, or even just cos of ego.

Personally, it's a little of everything. And just sincerely wanting to let the other know how much I think of her, and how much her happiness means. Ok ok, it's also ego, but yeah. *coughs*

My point though in all this, is this: where do we draw the line in wanting to impress the other, and making sure you yourself don't end up in a rut, or get in trouble just for a few moments of happiness?

It's amazing how some would buy expensive stuff for their other without even a bat of the eyelid. They don't think about their financial status, whether it really is worth it, and most of all, what the other will really think of it.

Take for example the subject of food. To most people, it's absolutely not right for the gal to pay for a meal, or for anything for that matter. Everything has to be paid for by the guy. No leniency whatsoever, even if the guy's almost broke and the gal has plenty of moolah in her purse, wallet, whatever.

Then there're the guys who think that by buying the most expensive gift they can think of, they'll immediately impress the gal, and get "loved" more, without thinking about the fact that perhaps it's not the price of the gift that matters, but the sincerity.

I guess what I'm trying to put through, is that in a relationship, it's not right for it to be all one-way. It takes two to tango. Sure, a healthy competition or one-upmanship is natural, and even encouraged actually. But be reasonable. If you don't have the means to, don't. The expensive restaurants or gifts can wait for another time. Sometimes, it just doesn't matter. Really.

Other things do.

It's okay to let the lady pay for it, and it's also okay if the gentleman dotes on you once in a while. As long as it's equal, and balanced. And most of all, as long as it doesn't ruin the relationship or your own life.

So... yeah. Food for thought, ladies and gentlemen. Heh.

Peace.

W|LD_CARD blew the autumn leaves at 5:34 PM

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Saturday, July 15, 2006

Bad things will always happen to the best of us. Bad things will happen to you whether you're an atheist, a monotheist, a polytheist believing in a pantheon, or other what-nots. They will happen, whether you pray, or not; whether you pray to a deity or to the devil or not.

All right, I digress.

Bad things will happen, knocking you down, trying to make you stay down. How do you get back up again?

You can do it alone, or you can do it with help: from family, from friends, from loved ones.

Pity. Sympathy. Empathy.

Who with dignity would welcome pity and sympathy from anyone, much less from friends? Who likes having his loved ones seeing him down in the dumps like that, knowing that they do care, and want to help, but the concern and help is/might be mixed with pity and sympathy with empathy.

Empathy is a feeling of understanding and compassion between two people, knowing that what happened to one has the possibility of happening to the other. Pity and sympathy are merely feelings of, "Oh, you poor thing." At least, according to me.

I'll post up what I discussed with Orca over IM on the subject:

Orca: That's true, the latter, but we must look beyond simple pragmatism. There are things logic cannot explain, like love and altruism. We are not machines, we are living beings capable of empathy even when so distant from the touch of pain that touches us over great divides, even if we are so isolated and helpless. It is actually painful, being deeply concerned about something but so wretchedly unable to do anything about it. Whether of someone else, or our own.

And the least the social creature can do is to express his concern, a sign that he treats you as more than just a contact, but a real friend. A "contact" would simply offer what help he/she can, if she feels like it, or just shut up otherwise, for what is the use of caring to him/her? You are as disposable as any other, useful only when the situation demands, simply a known name otherwise.

Friends are different, and although a simple display of concern may be useless, what should be treasured is the subtle feelings behind it.

Contacts will only display concern when they see an advantage, an opening they can jump into to better their position in relation to you. With friends, there is a thing called love, a universal connector greater than address books and business meetings. Concern born of love is innately a combination of many feelings, and pity one of them. I can't be removed. And it is not melavolent or the despicable sort of pity. Empathy.

Me: Pity is pity. So is sympathy. I can accept empathy, but not the first two.

Orca: How can you accept empathy but not one of the little things that make it what it is? It is hypocritical. We shouldn't draw lines around territories and emotions within the heart. It is more complex and undefinable than we can ever comprehend.

Me: Empathy is understanding and knowing that what the "victim" is going through might happen to the person himself. Pity and sympathy are merely, "Oh, this poor thing" feelings that express hypocrisy itself.

Orca: The pity and sympathy you speak of is a malevolent, unconcerned kind. It is precisely what contacts give you. But not friends. If they are that much to you, their concern is a form of real empathy. Like a light haze, there are hues, and while you can't box up a haze into subdivisions for analysis and differentiation, one should not look at a forest mist and scorn it as if it's dirty yellow haze. They are different, and that's about as much as I can say. There are not even the faintest of hidden lines between a fresh forest mist and the industrial smog a kilometre away.

So, that's only a portion of our whole conversation, but an important portion nonetheless. I had to post this portion out in its entirety so that I could better express what I wanted on this particular topic.

I guess we all have to learn to differentiate between a malevolent and loving sort of sympathy, between a desire for gain, and a desire to help. I mean, who would want their loved ones - especially their significant other - to express sympathy of any sort?

So just remember...

Casey blew the autumn leaves at 11:03 PM

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Friday, July 14, 2006

It's been 7 months since this blog was started, and 11 months since we decided to get together and try things out. And to be honest, I never expected it to last this long.

Past few months for us have been a little turbulent on each other's part. Each made mistakes, each got hurt, each was sorry. And yet, after all that, we're still together, trying to make things work.

In about less than a month, it'll be our first year. From the 12th of the next month. One year... Man, it's been a long journey to get to this point.

Some wonder how the hell we stayed together this long, and I can't really say. But I guess, I can safely say, that one thing that got us staying together this long, was commitment.

For the past few months, things happened on both sides of the relationship. Some in relation to "us," some were personal. I wish they didn't happen, but then, life rarely grants what you wish, and you have to deal with it.

During those times, the thought of ending it came up more times than once. For each time I was hurt, and for each time when I caused the hurt. I kept on thinking, is this worth all the hurt and pain? I didn't want to get hurt, but most of all, I didn't want to hurt her. Hell, if at all, I want to help her, as much as I can, and for as long as I can. If I could, I'd want to help get rid of her troubles and worries.

But as much as I want to, sometimes it just doesn't help; that even whatever you do, won't change matters, or might not even be acknowledged at all.

And yet, I still find myself sticking around. Maybe it's the challenge from wanting to help someone, maybe it's cos I can't help but stick to hope, maybe it's cos I truly love her. And who knows? Maybe it's all of the above.

You wish you had all the cash in the world. You wish you could bring the other to a place where she'd find herself finally happy. You wish that you could let her have anything in the world, let her have her passions, let her smile, and just.... let her be.

Unfortunately, I don't have the cash. I can't bring her somewhere she'd finally be happy. And I can't let her have everything in the world, or her passions, or even smile...

Smile. Heh...

After all that, why do I stick around? When it seems that there isn't hope, or that I'm failing, or that it all just seems to get worse? False hope? No.

It's cos I've still not reached the point, when enough is enough. You should never get to that point, especially when you think the world of the other. So, the challenges are almost too tall an order. So you might get hurt, or cause hurt instead. But I'm still commited to helping each other. To us. To make things work.

Call me foolish. Whatever. But right now, I intend to be as strong as I can, so that I may carry the burden of both our troubles, or help ease it. Whether directly or not. Most of all, so that she won't have to be sad...

I want to make her truly happy...

I want to see her smile again.

Peace.

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Added on July 14, 2006 at 9.45am by Casey

August 12, 2006. One year.

It seems that ever since last November, the "honeymoon" period of our relationship vanished. While most new couples were still going through the stage of enjoying each other's company, having fun, both of us were thrown into the maelstromic-whirlwind of learning about each other's faiths, dealing with the expectations of the other's parents, learning about each other, and going through turbulent stretches of doubts and joys, passions and anger.

Like Az has written, there were more than once I thought of ending it all, just walking away. And there came a point where I almost - just almost - walked away, never wanting to look back. But I didn't, because I gave a promise to him, that I'll try, and risk things. In the end, it might be for something, it might be for nothing. But who can know the future?

Sometimes, I feel as if I might have done him a great wrong just initiating the relationship in the first place. Pain: so much pain, just from being hurt, and from hurting.

So why, why do I stay?

Maybe because I'm still listening to that tiny voice inside of me, that voice I heard over 11 months back, telling me that trying for this is worth it...to risk this one. Maybe because I do care for him a lot, even if I don't show or acknowledge it much. Maybe because I see things in him I recognize in myself.

Maybe I do love him.

Two strangers staring, yet each seemed familiar
Common grounds formed from pain and fear.

W|LD_CARD blew the autumn leaves at 6:48 AM

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Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Az bugged me to post. So here I am.

I've never been a person to really take care of the "true" domestic affairs. Things like sweeping, mopping, cooking (especially), ironing, doing the laundry...all these drive me crazy. Especially cooking. Have I ever mentioned the first time I tried to bake a sponge cake and it turned out to be a rock cake? -_-

Being the eldest and very, well, boyish, I frequently deal with the electrical or mechanical stuff at home: repairing the TV, the PC, the home theatre set, the cooker, the lights...calling up maintenance for all these...dealing with the repairman...stuff.

So it was very much of a treat when I went to Az's house a few weeks back, and he offered to cook some pasta for the both of us. I mean, I helped with cutting the cheddar block into slices, and making two mugs of tea for both of us. But he did the cooking.

I enjoyed just sitting at the table and watching him busy himself about the stove, around the sink. He got weirded out by that, because I was grinning my head off watching him. It gave me a strange sort of contentment, though, gazing at his hands work. Don't ask me why; I don't know either. But no, it's not because of me thinking that he'd make a good potential husband or anything like that.

It was pure warmth and contentment. Simple as that. =)

Casey blew the autumn leaves at 10:52 PM

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It's been a while since our last update hasn't it? Lol. Pardons!

Just to appease you, we've decided to share something that's been going on for a while between both of us. Especially when we get bored and don't know what to do. Heh. Trust me, it's the perfect time killer, and a really good way to learn about each other.

Basically, we just take turns telling each other things about each other. Doesn't have to be anything specific, as long as it has something to do with you, in any way. Here's an example. Heh.

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c: I've got a phobia of any kind of phones: both house phones and mobiles. I once jumped out of my bus seat when someone text me on my mobile, earning strange looks my way.

a: Whenever I go to the toilet for 'big' business, I can't really do it without reading something.

c: I never used the main entrance when I was living in a bungalow as a kid. I'll climb the fence and enter over the wall.

a: I once was adamant that the Eiffel Tower was in London instead of Paris

c: I was forever afraid that durians would fall on my head during durian season, because there were two durian trees at my grandfolks' place. I like to use the small, unformed durians as weapons though.

a: Eggs scrambled with cheese are the best way to cook eggs for me.

c: I used to leave a trail of bread crumbs leading to a plastic bag. My sis and I would tie two strings to each handle, and hide, hoping that we'd catch a bird that way.

a: During pri 3, i used to be a prefect. Never continued after that.

c: I was selected for choir in Primary 3. Never made it past first round.

a: to make my toy cars fly, i used a rubber band to tie those orange combs on the top.

c: My uncle used to call me "Dumbo" after the flying elephant when I was younger, because he said I had big ears.

a: I've always wanted to try camel meat, but mum never allowed me for some unknown reason.

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So, there you go. Might post up more when we can think of them, or remember them. Heh. Till next time. ;)

Peace...

W|LD_CARD blew the autumn leaves at 10:36 PM

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