"Prudence and compromise are necessary means, but every man should have an impudent end which he will not compromise."
Tell a Friend-Charles Horton Cooley, Life and the Student

Before I really go into this post, lemme set the "scene" somewhat.

As most of you probably know, our relationship is not based on a same race, same religion, same characteristics, etc. She's Chinese, I'm Malay. I'm Muslim, she's a Shamanic Pagan. I'm more sociable, she's less. I could go on, but I think you guys get the gist, so yeah. Shall stop there before I actually get carried away with issues such as weight.

Anyways, back to the point. We're different people. Period. Regardless of the number of similarities we have in our core, we're still different people who decided to give it a try and get together. It's been a most wonderful 6 months so far, and, selfish as it may sound, I pray that there'll be many more months to come for the both of us.

Even, to a scary extent for people of our ages (we're only 21), we've actually considered getting together, tying the knot, co-habiting, etc. Yes, for people our age, our small education (both with diplomas) and measly finances (she just graduated, I'm serving National Service), we have thought about the "M" word.

Yes I know. It's only been 6 months into the relationship, and there's still a lot of time to go.

But thing is, to put it bluntly, we have to consider it. Our relationship doesn't fall into the category of "typical" relationships. We're different people, with different religions and beliefs, and for us to get together, there has to be sacrifices, or compromises.

That is the gist of this entry. Sacrifice, and compromises.

We're both pretty much realistic people when it comes to "love." While it is something we share with each other, we're not into the idea that there's only one person in the world for everyone. There are other people in the world definitely who can make us just as happy, and perhaps, even more so. Just that we happened to know each other now, and, like we usually say, went with the flow.

So, after 6 months into the relationship, we both actually sat down to talk about it, and be realistic with each other. We both know that for us to be together, both of us will have to make compromises and sacrifices. That's just how our relationship is, and to a certain extent, every single relationship out there.

Very rare are there relationships where everything just clicks, and 2 people are so compatible with each other, that every single thing works. For the rest, it's a matter of acceptance, sacrifice, and most of all, compromise.

To me, no relationship can work without one compromising for the other, and vice versa. Not just to make the other happy, but to make the relationship work. Both parties can't be too headstrong in their ideas, beliefs, habits, etc., and expect the other to work with you, or against you. We can't be too selfish, even though it's already in our genetics (for lack of a better work) that we tend to think of ourselves more before each other.

At times, we may even have to sacrifice a few things to make it work, to compromise with the other.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that every relationship is screwed up as it is, and that we MUST compromise or sacrifice every step of the way just to make it work. There are naturally just some things which can't be compromised or sacrificed. You have to accept them, and accept the consequences from them, good or bad.

A relationship isn't as easy as "I like you" and all that crap. There are many other things one must consider, especially relationships where both are pretty much very serious about each other.

For me and Case, like we mentioned in the previous entry, there are many things we still need to find out before we really can think about getting to that "stage." We need to learn about each other, what we're willing to compromise, what we're willing to sacrifice, and draw the line as to what both of us really can't change, and accept them.

To be honest, we're deathly afraid of learning, and finding out that in the end, things just weren't meant to be. But I guess, we've accepted that, and promised each other that whatever happens, we'll help each other, before, during, and after.

Think we care too much for the other to ever let that happen.

Compromise. Sacrifice. Acceptance.

Peace...

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Added 03 March, 2006, at 9.25am by Casey

Any given relationship between any two people (or more) is characterized by a few things, and one of them, is choices/decisions, which tie in with compromises, sacrifices, and the value/weight added to these acts.

Person A: Culture A; Life A; Habits A; Everything-A.

Person B: Culture B; Life A; Habits B; Everything-B.

Of course, either person can be selfish, and manipulate the other into adopting his/her own culture, way of living, way of thinking, his/her friends, interests and what-nots. The list could go on.

To bring the cross-culture module we took in year two back in CMM, either can reject or assimilate each existing "culture." But for compromising, where's the common ground? Where's the "Life C" that each of us want to share?

It's not merely a matter of talking and introducing the topic of marriage into what we have to deal with. The first time I met Az's mom, she had already brought up the topic with me. And we both know, that for the relationship to lead up to marriage, we have to learn, and know what we're willing to do, to sacrifice, to learn, to compromise for each other in the first place.

Without the knowledge of what we can/are willing to sacrifice, it's a mere cul de sac for us. We both have plans, as individuals, before we've even met each other; now, we'd both like to include each other in our individual plans and make them shared.

I guess in the end, whether we remain together or not, even after all that learning, is how much weight and value we place upon each sacrifice and compromise we have to make.