Weaknesses. Vulnerabilities.

All of us have our weak points, our foibles, our areas which formed the link of least strength. When you're alone, when you're with yourself, it's all and good: you don't really have to worry about your weaknesses. I mean, you're not going to manipulate and harm yourself so that you get yourself down, are you?

I thought not.

But what of others? When you're with others, no matter how close you are to the person, you'll constantly be worrying - whether a little or a lot; whether consciously or not - if the other will find out your weaknesses, and then mock at them, laugh at them, or worse, exploit them.

This applies not just to "romantic" relationships, but in all human interactions you can find: between friends, between family members, and even between parent and child (think Lionel and Lex Luthor).

So how can trust be formed between any two people, then? How can you trust that anyone won't make you feel bad and vulnerable just because he/she is stronger than you are, and have found out the weapon that is your weaknesses?

I've gone through relationships (generic term) where the other person tries to over-protect me, tries to be too aggressive in proving his/her ego. There have been times where I've gone through things which truly traumatize me, make me shudder and tremble, and what I get is someone trying to shoulder my fears out of the way, make me not face them, that he will face them for me.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Weaknesses will always be there, no matter how much you try to get rid of them. They're the chinks in your armor, the holes and weak joints in your carapace. You can be harmed by them, hurt utterly by them, penetrated, exploited, by those who know.

But will all those who know of your weaknesses cause you harm? You can never be sure. How, then, do you trust enough to create relationships in the first place, then? if you're constantly in fear of being exploited?

I'll use an analogical comparison between then and now.

My ex. was 24 then. I was 19. There was this time I'd gone out with him, and we'd gone our separate ways home. Waiting for the bus, I noticed this middle-aged man giving the once-over to a girl standing right beside me. I felt it was a lewd gaze, and apparently, the girl felt it also. She moved away, and being pissed, I blocked his gaze directly, moving into his line of vision, glaring.

Instead of being embarrassed, he did the same thing to me. I narrowed my eyes at him, and was secretly hoping he'd do something stupid so I could break his arm or stuff. He didn't; my bus came, and I went home.

When I went online that evening, I told my ex. what happened. And when one of our mutual friends - and one of my best friends - came online, and all three of us entered into a conference, when my friend asked what happened, my ex. told me to keep quiet, and he related the event to my friend.

I was pissed then. My friend was also surprised, and more than a little annoyed. To both of us, the event, though "bad," was not something I couldn't handle. This immediate egoistic (as felt by my friend and me) protectiveness to my perceived weakness and fear was unwarranted, and unsolicited.

He had intruded into my personal space, whether he knew it or not.

There are always lines that one should never, ever cross.

Now...for some reason, I feel like I can show my vulnerable side freely, that I can be vulnerable all I want. And I will not be made fun of, intruded upon, or even teased (whether in real jest or not). It's more than respect there. It's the assurance I get from knowing - and a constant reaffirmation on both our parts - that Az understands the fact that we all have weaknesses; he respects that fact. And by doing so, he is gentle in his strength, when faced with my weaknesses and fears; and in turn, I hope I've done the same with him.

It's the difference between a warm sunlight shining on the fragile growth of a seed, as compared to molten lava smothering the land.

It's the difference between the lake watering the soil, and intense ice frozen solid over the spaces in-between the soil.

It's the difference between ego, and a flow between strengths and weaknesses.

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Added on 28th Feb 2006, 945 by Az

Lifted this from one of Case's old entries, so thought it best summarizes this post. ;)

"When you're with someone who's so different from you, and you keep wondering 'why?' think about this:

Place both your palms together, fingers to fingers.

Our fingers represent our good side, our strong traits, while the spaces between them are our shortcomings.

If we try to press our good sides to our partner, it will not work. It never will.

But if we let the other fill in the gaps - our shortcomings - then we create harmony."

"Keep your fears to yourself, but share your courage with others."
- Robert Louis Stevenson

I don't exactly agree with him, but yeah. Just don't be afraid to share your fears with others, while sharing your courage as well. Treat the other with respect. And most of all, trust him/her, and love him/her for who they are, and not ridicule them for who they're not. Not easy I know, but give it a try. You'll learn not only as a partner in a relationship, but as a person.

And with that extent, Case, I wouldn't be where I am now if you hadn't helped me along the way as well, before, and now. *hugs tight*. =)

Peace...