"Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them." -- Jennifer James.

Honestly, I've never experienced true jealousy before getting into this relationship. It may come as a surprise to people, but not to me, especially since I rarely covet what others have, and prefer to simply be contented with who I am, and what I do. While there have been moments of envy towards friends and others, those were rather more of spontaneous moments of small spurts of envy, which disappeared almost as soon as they came.

But this one...this particular jealousy towards someone...it's been going on for...what? a few months, at least? I know the why of my jealousy; it's the why I should feel that way that bothers me. Because jealousy is not only painful, but it can also cause a lot of resentment, towards myself as well as towards all the parties involved; it can eat me up from the inside.

I refuse to unacknowledge the existence of this jealousy: it is there, whether I like it or not. To say it's not there is a blatant lie to myself that I will not believe. So now, what matters is how I deal with it, and how I acknowledge it and understand it, and then let it go. And to do that, I think I'm going to drum (shamanic journeying), going within to find the cause, to find healing.

I guess it's only when both parties in a relationship know how to live/be together and separately, that the relationship can really work out. Because, being together doesn't mean that we smother and become obsessed with each other; we're still individuals with our own lives to lead.