Respect. Trust. Learning.

Monday, January 30, 2006

"Sometimes, you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too, - even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling."
-Morrie Schwartz, Tuesdays with Morrie.

Trust I feel, is a word used too often, and mean too little these days. Everybody more or less trusts each other, even if a little. But the problem with humanity sadly is that we tend to lose that trust easily, even though on some occasions, we've worked very hard for it.

Personally, I don't think any relationship can work without being able to trust the other. And I'm not just talking about being honest, truthful with each other, etc. I think it's too delusional to believe that each would never lie or cover the truth from each other. It happens. But that doesn't mean it should be abused la, so yeah. Once in a while, perhaps. Just don't overdo it, cos then you're just fooling not him/her, but yourself.

Either way, that's not the trust I was talking about. I guess, what I'm trying to say in reality, is that you should have faith in the other, that he or she can take care of themselves, and that they know you'll be around, or to that effect. In short, you have to believe that even though you're not there per se, or helping them, you still have to trust them.

Me, I've been guilty of worrying too much sometimes for my own good. Not only does it end up draining myself, but it also sometimes ends up irritating people. Some might disagree, and think that it's always nice to help others. Me? I've learnt that though they'd appreciate it, somtimes, they would still prefer to handle it by themselves. It's something that they have to do on their own, and we need to respect that.

Don't get me wrong. It's not that I'm saying people should completely let them take care of themselves, and not give a care for their well-being and what not. What I'm trying to say, is to believe in their own strength.

They're people as well, and people aren't as weak as those "people" portrayed on tv. We're selfish, one way or another. That said though, it doesn't mean we should completely ignore them as well. You don't always have to be there to offer a word of advice, helping hand, etc. Sometimes, all you need to do is let them know that you won't be intruding, but will be around when they fall.

"He's doing okay. He knows he has support from all of you. Most importantly, he seems to believe that you'll let him fall if he has to, but that you'll be there right beside him. He knows he doesn't have to deal with this on his own. That's the key."

Took that out of a fanfic Casey gave me. So yeah. Prob sums up best what I'm trying to put through. :)

Peace.

W|LD_CARD blew the autumn leaves at 10:42 PM

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Sunday, January 29, 2006

"Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them." -- Jennifer James.

Honestly, I've never experienced true jealousy before getting into this relationship. It may come as a surprise to people, but not to me, especially since I rarely covet what others have, and prefer to simply be contented with who I am, and what I do. While there have been moments of envy towards friends and others, those were rather more of spontaneous moments of small spurts of envy, which disappeared almost as soon as they came.

But this one...this particular jealousy towards someone...it's been going on for...what? a few months, at least? I know the why of my jealousy; it's the why I should feel that way that bothers me. Because jealousy is not only painful, but it can also cause a lot of resentment, towards myself as well as towards all the parties involved; it can eat me up from the inside.

I refuse to unacknowledge the existence of this jealousy: it is there, whether I like it or not. To say it's not there is a blatant lie to myself that I will not believe. So now, what matters is how I deal with it, and how I acknowledge it and understand it, and then let it go. And to do that, I think I'm going to drum (shamanic journeying), going within to find the cause, to find healing.

I guess it's only when both parties in a relationship know how to live/be together and separately, that the relationship can really work out. Because, being together doesn't mean that we smother and become obsessed with each other; we're still individuals with our own lives to lead.

Casey blew the autumn leaves at 8:38 PM

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Sunday, January 15, 2006

"Troubles are part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you enough chance to love you enough." - Dinah Shore

I find it strange that it's frequently--if not always--the ones whom we love the most, we 1) hurt the most; 2) keep worrying things from the most.

My taekwondo instructor preferred using me as his listening board, than telling his wife about his problems. And when I asked him why, he said he didn't want to worry her: his loved one.

We always don't want the ones we love to worry about us, because we see no point in that. On the other side, they want to know about our problems because they love us. See the irony there?

But then, Dinah Shore is right. If we claim to love someone fully, we cannot say that we love merely his (generic term) good points, because no one is made up only of his good aspects, only. We've all got our negativities, our foibles, our idiosyncrasies. To share one portion, one aspect, we have to share all, to be able to learn.

I guess the main thing is about balance here: one can't overtake, nor should he over-hide things. Or else, his loved one merely loves an aspect of himself, a twisted version, a version created in the other's image.

And...I guess I have to learn that, too.

Casey blew the autumn leaves at 11:20 PM

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Saturday, January 14, 2006

Family.

It's the one thing that we're definitely born with, and something that almost everyone cannot live without. No, I'm not talking about the extended family, like uncles, aunties, nephews, cousins twice removed, etc. I'm referring more to the immediate family. Father, mother, brother, sister.

They're the ones who've seen you the longest and the most in your life. They've seen you when you first started quarreling, first started walking, your first day at school, the first beating, etc.

So, it's more or less natural for them to be a part of you as well, even when you're in a relationship with someone.

Let me try to clarify that further.

Being in a relationship, it's not just the other person you have to think about. Yes, he/she is the one you like/care/love, etc. But you can't just take her away, and pretend everything will be all right. For one, there's the person's family to think about. Will they like you? Will they approve of you guys being together? The questions are endless, and personally, even I would want to know about the relationship first before anything. It'd be the least the other person can do for me.

Me and wolf, we've already met each other's family. And let me tell you something, we were nervous as heck when it came to meeting them. Maybe it's cos we were pretty serious about each other or something I dunno, but we sure as heck didn't want them to have a bad impression on us.

In fact, we wanted them to at least, just know about us, and maybe, trust us as well. We wanted them to know that we could be trusted to take care of each other, religion wise, person wise, and especially, responsibility wise. We didn't want them to think that our relationship was just something "foolish," something that came about from lust, casual fling, etc. Cos it was definitely more than that. It was something that developed from friendship, respect, etc.

I guess, in essence, we wanted them to trust us to not become like some other couples with "shotgun" marriages, irresponsible behaviour, and others. We wanted them to know about us, be all right with us, and trust us. We also wanted to know more about each other's families, and respect them as well.

Yeah, I've mentioned trust more than a few times in this entry alone. But I cannot emphasize enough, how much that trust means to us. Especially to me. I don't think either one of us would want to be in a relationship which was completely disapproved by either family. We don't want a relationship that will tear family apart, especially our immediate family.

After all, they're the ones that've been with us the most. And very likely, the ones that love and care for us the most.

Peace...

W|LD_CARD blew the autumn leaves at 4:13 PM

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Friday, January 13, 2006

Thought I'd try to start off this place by sharing something both of us composed. Maybe it'll give a better meaning as to why we got together.

Will talk more about it later. ;)

Peace.

W|LD_CARD blew the autumn leaves at 11:50 PM

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Sunday, January 08, 2006

Hi all. First off, yeah, what Drake said below in his post. I shall not be repetitive, so, we shall let his post introduce the whole gist of this place.

Maybe I should reminisce some.

It's been almost five months--four more days to five months, in fact--since we decided to try things out. And even now, if you ask us why we got together, I can assure you none of us knows the reason/s, nor will be able to give you anything more solid than these two lines:

Two strangers staring, yet each seemed familiar
Common grounds formed from pain and fear.

It doesn't really matter who we think we are, or who we think we're not. But when it comes right down to it, we're both way too similar, despite not having known each other well past nine months, maybe?

He and I come not from two different worlds, but from two different viewpoints on life. Where he is a Muslim, I'm an eclectic shamanic pagan; where he's more sociable, I prefer a lot of reclusiveness, and defend my territory very fiercely; where he's this, I'm that. You get the gist.

It's not really a case of opposites attract, I don't think. Maybe, after all this time, it's more a case of two familiar strangers treading down one single road they've both been walking on alone before.

Things haven't been easy, and without fear, without compromise. Being together, we're not in our own world. We're both too disillusioned to even hope for that. We know that in being together, we're bringing two families, two sets of friends, two beliefs together.

Two forked roads merging into one.

It's still not going to be easy. We know each other relatively well already, but we still have to learn about each other.

Respect, trust, learning.

Casey blew the autumn leaves at 9:36 AM

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Saturday, January 07, 2006

Testing...

Don't know if anyone will read this, but in any case, heys.

This place is more or less gonna be a place where me (drake) and wolf share our views on what we've been through in the relationship we now have. Some might have slight misgivings about reading this place, fearing that it might be very fuff and all, and truth be told, both of us are afraid of it as well.

But, I guess anything's worth a try. We both wanna share what we learnt, been through, and maybe, teach someone about it as well, share opinions, discussions, etc. Also, maybe it's cos we just want to be able to write out our experiences somewhere, and reflect as well.

Hope it all works out. :)

Peace.

W|LD_CARD blew the autumn leaves at 11:33 PM

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